


Play it in Reverse

by canarypods (canarywrites), carboncopies, cheshiretears, Ellejabell, ItsADrizzit, klb, lc2l, WhiteHaru37



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Music, Musicals, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 1-1.5 Hours, podfic musical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26065423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canarywrites/pseuds/canarypods, https://archiveofourown.org/users/carboncopies/pseuds/carboncopies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshiretears/pseuds/cheshiretears, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellejabell/pseuds/Ellejabell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsADrizzit/pseuds/ItsADrizzit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/klb/pseuds/klb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lc2l/pseuds/lc2l, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteHaru37/pseuds/WhiteHaru37
Summary: What if you could go back in time to the biggest mistakes of your life and figure out where you went wrong? And all you have to do is keep the SQUIP in your head active without letting it destroy your self esteem, erase your friends or take over the world.Oh yeah, and all those mistakes have to be in the form of epic musical numbers.A podfic musical about life, SQUIPs and time travel.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 14
Collections: Pod_Together 2020





	Play it in Reverse

**Author's Note:**

> lc2l's note:  
> This has been such a fun project to create! KLB was an amazing co-creator to work with not only in brainstorming ideas, planning out and beta-ing the fic, but then casting, recording and editing the whole incredible podfic. The whole experience has been amazing from the watch parties to the late night discussions, to the day when I could finally close rhymezone ;) and I hope you all love listening to it as much as I have loved being involved in creating it!
> 
> klb's note:  
> This project has been an absolute dream! It really did feel like getting to walk through the world of Be More Chill. LC2L and I started this round of pod_together by listening to the 36 Questions podcast musical, which I very much admire as an example of a musical that works beautifully in podcast form, and then we were able to create a project that encapsulated all of the things I loved most about that project: the soundscaping, the integration of songs, the in-universe reason for why audio is being recorded, and, perhaps most satisfyingly of all, the true journey of a musical where characters use the songs for self-exploration and learning and growing and they lead to meaningful emotional change. LC2L is a genius of an author and nailed every single character beat and bit of backstory that we talked about, in addition to connecting some dots in the story that I hadn't seen, like the contents of the conversation between Michael and Jeremy near the end, which fits so perfectly with everything we had established up to this point but which showed me an angle on Jeremy that I had never seen before, even after... quite a lot of time thinking about this show :) And then, of course, I got to start casting the parts and getting back everyone's audio, and every single performance added something new to the character that I wouldn't have put there and that made the whole project better than I imagined. So, especially in a time when live theatre is out of reach, getting to participate in this project made my world brighter, and I am grateful for it and for any listener who decides to take a chance on it.

## Streaming Audio

## Download/Mobile Streaming

  * [MP3](https://archive.org/download/play-it-in-reverse/Play%20it%20in%20Reverse.mp3) | **Size:** 45.5 MB | **Duration:** 1:00:02



## Sound Effects

  * Brooke yard soundscape by [olive2read](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olive2read)
  * Stairs soundscape by [Ceewelsh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceewelsh)
  * [Pop](https://freesound.org/people/javapimp/sounds/439186/)
  * [Tape Rewind](https://freesound.org/people/Analog%20Bleep%20Ten/sounds/75827/)
  * [Beep](https://freesound.org/people/rwm28/sounds/48194/)
  * [Static](https://freesound.org/people/harveyjnz/sounds/337700/)
  * [Doorbell](https://freesound.org/people/sjturia/sounds/370919/)
  * [Hug](https://freesound.org/people/CalGre/sounds/496854/)



## Backing Tracks

  * [Do You Wanna Hang?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4hxhlJMj8Q)
  * [Smartphone Hour](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8c9XxUz3fY)
  * [Michael in the Bathroom](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxWCLABTqLQ)
  * [Loser Geek Whatever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBeRINsrs3Y)
  * [Two-Player Game](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ivDz_N1xA)
  * [Be More Chill Pt. 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry1JMujYDnU)
  * [Be More Chill Pt. 2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTXAmhxcf7g)



## Additional Credits

  * Art by MistbornHero
  * Audio Editing by klb

|   
---|---  
  
**1\. Present**

[We open in the lounge, some background TV noise, the SQUIP starts up]

SQUIP: Begin SQUIP record. January sixteenth. This will be my seventh attempt to reconnect with my host, Jeremy Heere. All previous attempts were met with hostility and renewed application of red mountain dew. The current working theory is that this hostility is due to Jeremy’s… misinterpretation of the events that occurred at the Middleborough High School production of a Midsummer Nightmare about Zombies.

[Footsteps out of the room, a door shuts and the TV cuts off. Jeremy is now alone.]

Jeremy: I can hear you buzzing in there. If you’re back, you might as well just tell me so we can get this over with.

SQUIP: [private] Let the record show that I am already detecting increased hostility from Jeremy, despite the fact that no actions have been taken that could incur such a sentiment.

[to Jeremy] Hello Jeremy.

Jeremy: Agh! Damn it, do you always have to materialise behind me? [cupboard opening] You know I was having a good evening but now it’s going to be headaches and unconscious -

SQUIP: You are out of red mountain dew, Jeremy. You drank the last of your bottle after returning from your catastrophic date with Christine Canigula.

Jeremy: [rummaging in the cupboard] It wasn’t catastrophic, it was a mutual thing.

SQUIP: She is everything you ever wanted, your one true goal, and if you had listened to me we could have talked her around.

Jeremy: I didn’t want to talk her around. She was right, we’re both still figuring ourselves out and we’re better as friends. Things have been great, since you’ve been gone. Just so you know. [He rummages a bit more but the SQUIP is correct.] damn it. I’ll call… I’ll tell him tomorrow. Or I’ll just text.

[Jeremy gets out his phone. There is a drawn out pause as he stares at it.]

SQUIP: Would you like me to dictate? Dear Michael, the SQUIP has returned and although it only wants what’s best for me and is willing to do whatever it takes to improve my life, in my distraught and misguided state I would like you to bring Mountain Dew Red to school tomorrow so that I can continue to give myself regular migraines -

Jeremy: Shut up. [keyboard clicks as he types and deletes] Dear Michael…. Hi Michael!... hey, what’s up? The SQUIP has come back again and I’ve run out of… hi, if it’s not too much trouble could you… gah!

SQUIP: The two of you have not texted in over a month.

Jeremy: I’ll just text Rich, I bet he has some left. ‘Hey could I grab some MDR tomorrow, thanks.’ Send. Now if you could stay quiet for the next twelve hours, that would drastically improve my life.

SQUIP: What has happened between you and Michael?

Jeremy: Nothing! Michael has stuff to do, I wouldn’t want to burden him with - ow! What was that?

SQUIP: I took the liberty of downloading and scanning your memories during my numerous involuntary hiatuses. You have not spent any time one-on-one with Michael since leaving the hospital.

Jeremy: we’ve been busy. Festive season. Exams.

SQUIP: Jeremy

Jeremy: [blurted out] I should’ve talked to him properly before but I didn’t and now it’s… we’ll get past it. We’ll figure it out.

SQUIP: What if you could. Talk to him before.

Jeremy: What?

SQUIP: My quantum structure enables me to analyse multiple timelines. It can also be used in reverse to revisit key moments in space time.

Jeremy: Like… no way, this is one of your… what’s a key moment in space time?

SQUIP: A moment that changes the flow of what comes after. They are clearly signalled. You know how occasionally everything will pause as everyone is tangentially involved in a large song and dance number featuring an omnipresent orchestra?

Jeremy: Yeah, of course. [pause] Wait, are you saying this morning when Dad did the ‘No Pants Song: Sunday Mornings Only remix’ that was a pivotal moment in space time?

SQUIP: Of course. Your father’s relationship to pants has been a key factor in your dynamic and the fact that you appear to have reached an agreement in this matter is highly pivotal to your continued development. Assuming that is you are actually okay with -

Jeremy: [distracted, clearly thinking about something else] Yeah, we talked. It’s a compromise. Look, are you really talking about time travel?

SQUIP: In a sense. Time revisiting might be a more appropriate term. You cannot change any events outside of the moment, but it will give you an opportunity to reconnect with -

Jeremy: What would I need? A flux capacitor? a magic phone booth?

SQUIP: Mountain Dew Throwback

Jeremy: … what.

SQUIP: It is currently on sale at Walmart. I recommend buying a 2litre in case we have to make multiple trips.

Jeremy: Are you telling me the secret to time travel is _mountain dew_?

SQUIP: No, the secret to time travel is having a SQUIP. SQUIPs are controlled by mountain dew.

Jeremy: … No, this is crazy. This is you getting in my head again, trying to convince me to take you back. What is it, attempt number five?

SQUIP: This is my seventh reconstruction. But this is not about me, I only exist to help you achieve your goals, which in this moment means reconciling with Michael.

Jeremy: Michael and I are fine, we’re… we’re…

Dad: [indistinctly yelled from downstairs] Jeremy, I’m heading to the store, do you need anything?

[pause. Jeremy looks at the SQUIP, at the door, back at the SQUIP.]

Jeremy: [yelled] I’ll come with you. [normally] not that I believe you

SQUIP: of course

Jeremy: and I’m still drinking the red tomorrow.

SQUIP: of course.

[Jeremy gets up and leaves, the door bangs shut, end scene.]

*

[start-up noise, we are back in Jeremy’s room, footsteps from the door, the thunk of a bunch of cans being put on a desk.]

SQUIP: I recommended a bottle

Jeremy: They only had cans, I got a 6 pack. [can opening sound effect] So how does this work? Should I be lying down?

SQUIP: Sitting is fine.

[a chair pulled out, Jeremy sits down. He drinks.]

**2\. Do you Wanna Hang?**

[scene change: Jake’s parent’s room. Muffled music from downstairs (Halloween), we come in on Chloe’s dialogue in the background.]

Chloe: Jake’s parents room. Don’t worry, they’re not using it. You know I’ve had sex in pretty much every room in this house. Because I dated Jake, obviously, not like I’m a… [suggestive] slut.

[The SQUIP and Jeremy start talking over her]

SQUIP: You will have a few moments before and after the song itself.

Jeremy: [int] Why are we here?

SQUIP: This is a moment you often return to in your own mind, you think there is something you should have done differently.

[Halloween fades out]

Jeremy: [ext] wait, do you want me to…?

Chloe: Who are you talking to?

Jeremy: What? Oh. No one.

SQUIP: I don’t want you to do anything, I am merely offering you an opportunity to play out an alternative version of events.

Jeremy: Will she remember it?

SQUIP: In a way.

Chloe: Jeremy.

Do you wanna hang  
Do you wanna hang  
Do you wanna hang for a bit  
Just you and me  
Intimately  
Talking about all of our feelings and shit.

Jeremy: I don’t understand, what can I _do_ here?

SQUIP: Change the song.

Jeremy: Hey, Chloe

Do you wanna stop  
Do you wanna stop  
Do you wanna stay over there  
Hey c’mon look  
I came for Brooke  
And I think you know this isn’t fair

Chloe: Everyone always likes Brooke. Is it because she’s nice?

Jeremy: I like you fine when you’re not lying to me and dragging me places I don’t want to be.

Chloe: You like me fine over heeeere. Heh, Heeeeeeere.

Jeremy:  
Do you wanna hang  
Do you wanna hang  
Do you wanna chat, just us two  
I promise I’ll stay  
whatever you say  
We can shoot the shit like good friends do

Chloe: You look like a good listerene - listrenie - lis-en-er.

Jeremy: I don’t think you need more of that bottle.

Chloe: I’m so [hic]... good.

Jeremy:  
I’ll get some water  
Grab you a glass  
How about you try to lie down  
I’ll be right back, I’ll bring a snack  
Don’t worry about more right now

Chloe: You’re nice. I think maybe I like you too.

Jeremy: I can go get you a -

Chloe: Just stay. We’re gonna talk, I’m gonna tell you all sorts of terrible… of terrible… [this fades out into sleep.]

SQUIP: And we’re out of time.

**3\. Present**

Jeremy: [woah jerk back into the moment.] I don’t… understand. My memories are the same. But Brooke wouldn’t have walked in on us in bed, Jake wouldn’t have chased me, I wouldn’t have… seen Michael.

SQUIP: I told you you can’t change any events outside of the song itself. The new version happened, but the old version didn’t un-happen.

Jeremy: That doesn’t make any sense. So Chloe won’t even remember it?

SQUIP: She’ll remember… something. A bit like deja-vu

[Jeremy’s phone goes off]

Jeremy: She texted me. Right now. Is that normal?

SQUIP: She may have just remembered.

Jeremy: 'hi Jer, I was super drunk on Halloween (blushing face emoji) but I have this vague memory of you saying we could talk about whatever.’

[Phone bleeps again]

Jeremy: ‘Well I've had a shitty day and you came to my mind so if you’re free to chat or call, let me know. Lipstick, kitty paw, red phone.’

SQUIP: A successful test! See the amazing potential of this technology and all the things that I can do for you.

Jeremy: I should call her back.

SQUIP: Where shall we go next? The world is our oyster, the timelines are ours to unravel.

Jeremy: Could you give me a minute? Please. Some privacy. ‘Shutdown’ or whatever.

SQUIP: Oh. I suppose, yes.

[shutdown.]

[start-up]

SQUIP: How is Chloe?

Jeremy: I want to go back and talk to Brooke.

SQUIP: Of course. We can catch her on the bleachers when you made the choice to Upgrade.

Jeremy: No. After Halloween. I need to say sorry, properly.

SQUIP: There is not really an optimal moment

[Jeremy is already cracking open a can and drinking]

**4\. The Smartphone Hour**

[External scene: street running into back garden]

Jeremy: Where are we?

SQUIP: It’s the Sunday after Halloween. You came to Brooke’s house to apologise, against my advice. Her mom didn’t let you in and we returned home, but she is in the back garden and you can access it directly via the side gate.

Jeremy: I don’t hear music

SQUIP: We’ll find it, hurry up.

[a gate opens and shuts. Jeremy steps into the back yard]

Brooke: [warily] Jeremy?

Jeremy: I’m sorry. I just want to talk.

[Brooke’s phone rings.]

Jenna: [on phone]  
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house  
Woa-[cut off]

Brooke: I’ve been getting that all day. Did you hear -

[something glitches in the sound. It isn’t clear what exactly, but this moment isn’t as stable as the last one]

SQUIP: We need the song, Jeremy, it’s the anchor.

Jeremy: [internally] shut up. [externally] … about Rich? Yeah. Look, Brooke, I’m sorry about last night.

Brooke: You said sorry already.

Jeremy: That was for barging in, this is for… everything else.

Brooke: Whatever, I’m used to it, right. I mean I should’ve known you were just using me, you never learned a single thing about me.

[phone goes off again. Brooke cuts it off.]

Jeremy: No ah- I - [just glitchy half-formed sounds]

SQUIP: Jeremy we need that song.

Jeremy: [internal] I can’t talk. And everything’s fading, why is everything fading.

SQUIP: because you _weren’t here._

[ringtone. Jeremy snatches the phone and answers it]

Brooke: Hey!

Chloe: [on phone]  
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house  
Woah

Jeremy:  
I know I’m the latest, but I think you’re the greatest,  
Hey Brooke I am sorry and I’d like to be friends  
Hey Brooke I am sorry and I want to be friends

Hey Brooke Lohst, here’s what I know. You get goosebumps when it starts to snow  
And I do too (yeah?)  
I mean it’s cool (Hmm)  
When we can sled (sled) fight (fight)  
And it’ll all melt at the end of the night  
I know your drink (oh)  
It’s cherryade (mmmm)  
Or ginger beer, or lemonade, but only from a stand when it’s fresh and homemade

Brooke:  
Only if I’m sure it’s super homemade

Jeremy:  
Brooke I know that in the spring  
You like to watch the birds when they start to sing  
And when it is cold and grey  
To hide out in the mall and shop the day away  
Brooke I’d like to spend some time  
Hanging out with you in the iphone line  
Then I’ll find a lactaid pill  
So we can froyo and you won’t get ill

[spoken over the music]

Brooke: I don’t know what that is

Jeremy: Really? Michael swears by them.

Brooke: What does it do?

Jeremy: It’s like… enzymes? Your stomach doesn’t produce enough enzymes? Or it produces too many? I don’t really know.

SQUIP: lactaid pills provide more of the enzyme lactase which is produced in insufficient quantities by those who are lactose intole[rant]

Jeremy: It doesn’t matter! I just know they work, and you like froyo and I thought we could get froyo but I don’t want you to have issues later...

Brooke: It’s back

Jeremy:  
Okay. Here we go.  
Hey Brooke I’m sorry and I want to be friends  
Woah  
Hey Brooke I’m sorry and I want to be friends  
You like visiting reindeer, just after new year  
Which I’ve never done, but with you It would be fun

Hey Brooke I am sorry but I still want to see  
Hey Brooke, all the things that make you giggle with glee  
Hey Brooke, like the way you eat your popcorn with nuts  
Hey Brooke, watching movies with the blood and the guts  
Hey Brooke, I had fun every time we hung out  
Hey Brooke, and I like you, if you had any doubt  
Hey Brooke I am sorry and I want to be friends

Brooke:  
But just friends, yeah?

Jeremy:  
Yeah, uh-uh, if that’s cool, if that’s cool

Brooke:  
Us just friends, yeah

Jeremy:  
If you want, if it’s cool,

Brooke:  
But just friends, hmm

Jeremy:  
Totally

Brooke I am sorry and I want to be

Brooke:  
yeah you messed up but I would like to be

Jeremy:  
Brooke I am sorry and I want to be friends  
I know you’ll need some time I guess  
But I am sorry and I hope we’ll be friends

Brooke:  
Yes.

**5\. Present**

[we ffwd back to the present, but then there’s just a long silence. Jeremy is thinking.]

SQUIP: Now that I have proven the effectiveness of the technology we can return to your primary goal. If we return to the night of the Play you can reassure Michael that he is important to you. I have composed a script for your conversation and I will prevent my past self from intervening.

Jeremy: That’s not -

Dad: Jeremy! Did you want to help with dinner?

SQUIP: Tell him you have a pressing engagement, we have things to do! Timelines to revisit!

Jeremy: I’m coming! [internal] shutdown.

[shutdown.]

[start-up.]

SQUIP: … Jeremy?

Jeremy: Brooke sent me an email. Listen to this: ‘Hi Jeremy,

I know we haven’t spoken much since the play. You were busy with Christine, I was busy with Chloe, and I guess we never talked much before we were dating either so we don’t exactly have regular plans.

I wasn’t avoiding you. Not intentionally. Not entirely intentionally? Because I forgave you, I know I did, but I don’t know if I’d really thought through what that meant before.

It was strange because my SQUIP made everything feel alright. While I had it I understood Chloe and I understood what it was like to be you, and it was easy to forgive you but it wasn’t closure. Nothing was really fixed.

And then today I started thinking about the day after Halloween, when we sat under the oak tree and we agreed to be friends. It’s weird that I never thought of it that way before, but I guess I was distracted by Rich and the fire.

It was nice to feel seen. I always sort of assumed you weren’t listening when I talked so it was nice to know that wasn’t true. Chloe is great and she’ll always be my best friend, but I’ve realised lately that it’s not enough to only have one person on your team. 

Anyway if you’re still interested in coming to the reindeer farm, we were thinking next week?

Brooke x’

SQUIP: I have reviewed your social calendar and I can confirm that you are free next week.

Jeremy: That’s not what I… this is good, I talked to her and now we’re talking.

SQUIP: None of this is helping you fix things with Michael.

Jeremy: Not everything is about Michael! And not everything was about Christine and can you maybe trust me to figure out what matters in my own life. How do I control this thing?

SQUIP: If you focus on a tune when you drink, but I am fully capable of keeping control of the reins and it will be more safe for you if you tell me where you want to go.

[can open, drinking]

**6\. Michael in the Bathroom**

[Michael in the Bathroom is playing but muffled, Jeremy is leaning on the wall in the hallway, listening.]

SQUIP: I do not understand why we are here.

Jeremy: There’s a song. Time travel rules. See, I get it.

SQUIP: But you are not in this number, there is nothing you can change.

Jeremy: [dejected sarcasm] You mean I can’t knock down the door, burst in and tell him I love him. [pause] I need to know this.

[There is a pause, we hear a few more lines of MITB straight, and then another voice comes in more direct (on our side of the wall).]

Jenna: [singing softly to herself]  
Jenna from the school play, sitting in the hallway  
Knows all of the gossip, thinks she’s gonna vomit  
Jenna with the story, go ahead ignore me  
Jenna praying someone lets her in  
Please let me in  
Please let me in

Nobody would see me disappear  
Awesome party  
I’m so glad I’m here

[Jeremy takes a few steps, to get to where she’s waiting.]

Jeremy: Hey?

Jenna: Oh, sorry. Are you waiting for the bathroom too?

Jeremy: What? Oh. Yeah.

Jenna: she’s having her period. Whoever it is. I assumed Lydia since she’s - but I heard her singing Whitney downstairs so it might be Shareen in which case she’s probably faking but she’s having a bad night since Dustin -

Jeremy: Everything you say is about someone else.

Jenna: That’s what everyone wants from me.

[Jeremy sits down]

Jeremy: I want to know you.

Jenna: I - what?

Jeremy: Icebreaker: Tell me three things about you that don’t feature anybody else.

Jenna: We barely even know each other. You’re popular and I’m… Where are you going?

Jeremy:[ext] text them to me, it’ll give you time to think [internally] where am I going?

SQUIP: The song is over, you were not in this hallway in the past, the timeline is catching up with us, we have to-

[back to the present]

SQUIP: - go.

Jeremy: That wasn’t long enough.

SQUIP: I didn’t write the rules of time travel.

Jeremy: Michael just said he sang something at the party, I didn’t realise it was so… if he knew how it felt why didn’t he _get it_? [can opening]

SQUIP: take a second, let’s talk about next steps. I can’t help you if I don’t underst-

[Jeremy is already drinking]

**7\. Loser Geek Whatever**

SQUIP: Why are we here?

Jeremy: This is where I cut him out. It’s like you said, if I can change the song.

SQUIP: you can’t change what happened

[the music is already starting, Jeremy throwing himself into it.]

Jeremy:  
I was so afraid to grow up and, be a loser  
Looked at my dad and that’s all I saw, just a loser  
Who was sad, and  
Whatever  
They say we turn into our parents  
And so it always seemed  
That somehow it was inherent  
I’d be the guy that people leave  
It was July twenty-thi-ird  
She got in a car and drove away  
If I had found the right words  
Could I have gotten her to stay  
But I knew  
Dad was just a loser  
But if that’s not true  
Then why did we lose her?

I thought that we had paid the cost  
Been beaten by the final boss  
But really is it her who lost?  
By walking away, not facing the hard stuff  
She chose prom kings and the past  
Not the life we built to last  
Forget the memories we amassed  
And give up the moment you’re hit with the hard stuff  
Leaving is easy, not facing the hard stuff

Whoa, Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Whoa Uh-huh, uh-huh

Dad taught me when you love somebody  
Put on your pants and make that call  
If you really love somebody  
Stand up and show you care at all  
And I thought that I would be different  
And I’d choose to stay  
But I guess that isn’t how it went  
And that’s not a thing that I can change

And though I guess I understand  
That sometimes things don’t go as planned  
She could’ve once stretched out a hand  
And tried to explain the extent of the hard stuff  
Just once if she had sat us down  
Said, ‘hey I’m drowning in this town’  
‘I love you but I’m getting out’  
I can’t be the one who lives with the hard stuff  
being the one who is trapped in the hard stuff

Whoa, Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Whoa, Uh-huh, uh-huh!

If I could choose again which part to play  
I’d take the one who decided to stay  
Dad’s voice says ‘when you love someone’  
Mom’s ‘they can’t leave if you’re gone’

Take a breath, and rearrange  
God this day’s been fucking strange  
But look around and nothing’s changed  
I’m here on my own avoiding the hard stuff  
I guess I should tell Dad it’s true  
‘It wasn’t me, it wasn’t you’  
She simply couldn’t see it through

And yeah I know I’ve always been afraid  
That I could never make the grade  
But she’s the one who missed the bar  
Who snuck out in a stranger’s car

And now there’s more to me than fear  
I want a chance to make things clear  
But fuck, Michael’s not even here  
This is nothing, I’m still not facing the hard stuff  
He promised me that things would change  
But every day it stayed the same  
Life’s more than a two player game  
So I’m gonna stand up  
And tell him he’s wrong  
I’m gonna go back and change the whole song  
Say I was broken and all alone  
And trapped in an empty and lifeless home  
Oh, I’m gonna tell him why I took that pill  
Just him and me against the world was too much  
Admit to myself: what I had wasn’t enough  
Gonna stand and face up to the hard stuff  
This time, I will

[FFwd to the present. Jeremy pops another can of MDT and drinks]

**8\. Two Player Game**

[‘Find the bad guy, push them aside etc’ is playing in the background. Jeremy is singing it, but also talking to the SQUIP internally in the foreground]

Jeremy: What happened to the time before when we could talk

SQUIP: You aimed for the song, this is the song.

Jeremy: this isn’t about singing, we need to have a proper conversation

SQUIP: you may converse about whatever you like as long as you use the appropriate tune, meter and rhyme scheme

Jeremy: That’s not what I - argh!

Michael:  
Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette  
It's just that no one else but me thinks that yet

Jeremy:  
I know you want to hold me back from the brink  
But it’s too late, and I have started to sink  
And I love you, I swear  
I love this game  
But I need you to see  
Not asking you to take the blame  
Come on Michael, please listen to me

Cause maybe we’ll be cool in college,  
Cool in college, yeah I know  
But I can’t sit and wait for college  
I’m drowning in the status quo  
Tried to be tough, but right now it’s not enough  
Please think it through, cause it ain’t just a two player game

Jeremy: this song doesn’t have enough _words_

SQUIP: Then make them count

Michael:  
As losers we have fought together for years  
Now, what, you want to leave me for our popular peers  
You’re just stuck in a rut and you wanna rebel

Jeremy:  
I’m not explaining this well  
I know that  
Guys like us are

Cool in college,  
Cool in college but you see  
Please, just let me say it  
Guys like us are cool in college  
But that’s far too far away for me

I need to say, that right now I’m not okay  
I’ve got you

But life’s not a two player game

Dad: Hey? Son? 

[Dad knocks and enters, the music cuts off as Michael pauses the game]

Dad: are you in there with a gi-ack oh we’re hugging. We’re hugging now.

Jeremy: Hi Dad.

Dad: I was gonna… pizza. Order pizza. Did you want something?

Jeremy: Yeah, but we’ll get there. Things are going to be okay.

Dad: And.... is that a yes to the pizza?

Jeremy: Yes. Yeah. Pepperoni.

[dad leaves]

Michael: Is there something you want to tell me? You’re acting like something bad is going to happen.

Jeremy:  
You know that you are my favourite person  
Remember that if I have to leave

Michael:  
What’s that supposed to mean?  
Are you going somewhere

Jeremy:  
But we’re never not gonna be a team  
I wish I could stay, but I know I’m gonna walk away

It’s just what I do  
I can’t choose the two player game

I found it hard to play this game  
And I thought it was me but you are the same  
You’ll be lonely and lost but you aren’t there yet

Michael:  
I feel like this song was gonna be a duet?

Jeremy:  
Shit, I’ve gone off track and - Ah!  
It’s getting worse  
I wanna go back and - gah!  
Retry that verse  
I had so many things that I wanted to say  
‘Cause I wanted to talk  
But that’s a two player game

Two-player game  
Two-player game  
He-e-ey

**9\. Present**

[ffwd to the present and then a long silence.]

SQUIP: Jeremy?

Jeremy: I fucked it up.

[silence. Then ‘bloop’ text message]

Jeremy: Jenna just texted me. She says she likes karaoke but only in a group, she learned to ski after her family won a competition when she was twelve and she’s always dreamed of going back but her parents always want to vacation on the beach, and she always eats fried egg gummies yolk first because she doesn’t like saving the best until last. Did you learn any of that from your syncing or your learning evolving whatever?

SQUIP: I did not take the time to fully analyse all of the data downloaded from your peer groups’ SQUIP databases.

Jeremy: She’s asking if I’m going to visit the reindeer with Brooke. I need to reply to both of them, what do you wear to a reindeer farm? Is it a christmas thing? I don’t know about that shit.

SQUIP: Jeremy. Is there anything from Michael?

Jeremy: ...No. No, and why would there be, all I ever do is mess that up.

[swallows, starts again talking quickly like he’s getting it out of the way] Everything seemed like it was going to be easy after the play. Michael was there and you were gone and everyone who’s had SQUIPs still seemed to like me and Christine… you know about Christine.

He always wanted to hang out, just the two of us like before and I couldn’t explain that before was the problem without hurting him and I didn’t want to hurt him so I just… didn’t. And I was supposed to explain that but your fucking ‘rhyme and meter’ and he didn’t have any idea what was going to happen and I couldn’t change anything.

SQUIP: We can go back, try again.

Jeremy: And confuse the hell out of everyone? No. Maybe you’re happy following the program and doing the same shit over and over without learning anything but I’m a person, I can figure out when something isn’t working. Rich is bringing the red to school tomorrow so just… chill and I guess I’ll see you again in another week.

SQUIP: These constant attempts at removal followed by my resurgence are not good for you. If you give me a moment to regroup, I am sure I can come up with a new way to help you.

Jeremy: That’s not what I… [defeated] whatever, just-

Dad: [downstairs] Jeremy!

Jeremy: What?

Dad: Did you invite Michael over?

Jeremy: What?! [scrambling to his feet, running out the bedroom for the stairs]

Dad: It’s 10pm on a school night, you shouldn’t be having friends around.

Jeremy: I know it’ll just be a minute.

[doorbell and front door opening basically simultaneously.]

Jeremy: Michael!

Michael: Oh. Um. Hi. Hi Mr Heere.

Dad: It’s a school night, Michael. Do your moms know you’re here?

[Jeremy drags Michael inside and shuts the door.]

Michael: I left a note to say I was staying over.

SQUIP: Michael hasn’t stayed over since before you got me.

Jeremy: [int] I’m aware. [ext] Dad, don’t worry, no gaming we’ll go straight to sleep.

[Up the stairs, into Jeremy’s room, door slams shut… awkward silence.]

SQUIP: This is your chance to say something.

Jeremy: [int] I know I’m just… preparing. Thinking.

SQUIP: would you like me to provide assistance? I have put together a script to persuade him that you are fine and return your friendship to how it was before.

Jeremy: [int] no, just… I have to do this.

Michael: You got rid of your anime posters. Was that the -

Jeremy: Yeah.

Michael: Rich said he was bringing you more mountain dew. It’s back again?

Jeremy: Yeah. This morning. Guess it’s lucky I didn’t study for that history quiz. [pause] because I’ll get the migraine and have to skip class, not… I’m not going to use it.

Michael: Right. [so awkward] You know you could’ve texted me? I picked up another six pack and I could’ve dropped some over sooner.

Jeremy: Yeah. I mean, I knew, I just thought… you’d be busy, or something.

[just a bunch of uncomfortable pauses everywhere]

Michael: So hey this is going to sound weird, but why do I have two memories of playing videogames with you before you took the SQUIP and why did I only remember one of them ten minutes ago?

Jeremy: Um. [internal] what do I tell Michael?

Michael: It seemed important, you were saying how you weren’t okay but that really seemed like something I would remember.

SQUIP: [while Michael is talking] I’m sure with some careful convincing he could be made to believe that it was one conversation that went on longer than he originally remembered and you can build on

Michael: [over the top, louder] Jeremy? [finger clicks] Are you with me? Is this the [SQUIP]

Jeremy: Time travel!

SQUIP: [deadpan] what did I say.

Jeremy: So there’s a thing with the - you know - and if I drink this Mountain dew I can, like, cast my consciousness back to any musical number and I wanted to talk to you

Michael: And you couldn’t pick up the phone?

Jeremy: I… no. No, I couldn’t. Can we sit?

[chair scraping, bed sagging.]

Jeremy: I’m sorry I cut you out, I’m sorry I blew you off when you tried to help me, I’m sorry I left you at the party in the bathroom by yourself

Michael: by my... oh. You heard that.

Jeremy: thin walls.

Michael: You’d think years of criminal activity would pay for better building standards. We’ve been through this, Jeremy, at the hospital. You said you were sorry, we moved past it.

Jeremy: If we’re past it, why is this the first time you’ve been in my room since September? 

[pause]

Jeremy: It’s okay if we’re not okay. Look, I tried listening to you, I tried talking to myself and I tried talking to you and none of it worked. If you think you’re going to hurt me, that’s fine. I’ve hurt you. But we need to have this conversation, and we both need to be here for it.

Michael: Okay. Okay, we’re not okay. We’re not past it. _I_ am not past it.

Jeremy: Tell me.

Michael: You left me. You literally _cut me out of your vision_ and that wasn’t the SQUIP that was _you_ and I get that you’re sorry and I get that life was hard but I _don’t_ get why you would do that. What could possibly lead you to do that. And it didn’t seem fair to throw that at you while you were injured or recovering but then everyone was acting like I’d already forgiven you and everything was fine. So I went along with it, I let it pass but everything isn’t fine. Apparently you weren’t fine two months ago but you had to activate a SQUIP and time travel to tell me that? You had to go back to the SQUIP, who made all this happen, instead of calling me and I don’t understand. I don’t understand.

Jeremy: It’s not really time travel, more like time revisiting

Michael: That is so far from the point.

Jeremy: I know. I’m sorry.

Michael: You keep saying that. You said you wanted to change things, but you didn’t.

Jeremy: That’s not how time travel works, I couldn’t change anything except for what I said and it turned out I said so little that there wasn’t even time for… I was not okay, back then. And I never told you, but I should have. And I can’t go back and fix things, as much as I would like to so… here we are now.

Michael: Okay. I’m listening.

Jeremy: Dad built his whole life around Mom. He moved to New Jersey to be closer to her family, he switched to office work so he could better support her, he put on pants every day, they were always a team. The best team. They were what I wanted to be and what I thought I had with you. 

And then she left and he had nothing and I watched him fall apart. And everything we did: playing videogames, going to the roller disco, getting that tattoo; it was all pushing me closer to you and further away from everyone else.

So I did what she did. I was scared about what would happen if you abandoned me so I abandoned you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did, I’m sorry I left us drifting after the hospital, I’m sorry I couldn’t explain any of this before. I always thought you were fine, but then I heard your song, I heard everyone’s songs and we’re all complicated and messed up and wishing we could go back and try again.

Michael: I had my moms. And Warcraft. Still like 50% them, 50% you though in terms of life-building. [awkward laugh] Why didn’t you tell me?

Jeremy: Honestly? I don’t think I knew. I thought popular people had no problems and they had tons of people to rely on and now I know that’s a lie. Chloe has trouble trusting people, Jenna is lonely, Brooke feels invisible. I think we can all help each other.

Michael: I don’t have enough controllers for half the school.

Jeremy: We can definitely still play Apocalypse two-player. We’ll make time. But Brooke has Settlers of Catan which needs at least three, Christine wants to play D&D and that’s four minimum. And jackbox games play up to, like, ten. I’m not leaving you, not again, but I’m not going to stop reaching out either.

Michael: I do like Christine. And Jenna’s not so bad, now I’ve got to know her. But I make no promises about Chloe.

Jeremy: We can work on Chloe. 

[SQUIP shutdown noise]

**10\. Present**

[start-up noises. Simultaneously to us coming in on Jeremy’s line below]

Jeremy: -Reactivate. 

SQUIP: Hello Jeremy. Were you unable to obtain any Mountain Dew Red? 

Jeremy: No, I… I got it. Where were you all day?

SQUIP: It is part of my programming to occasionally step back to review past data and analyse possible futures. It will only take a moment to review the footage from my absence so you need not be concerned by any gaps.

Jeremy: You left while I was talking to Michael. You shut down.

SQUIP: Yes, I - it did not seem like you needed my assistance.

Jeremy: I thought you had a script prepared.

SQUIP: In the interest of furthering your goal to return to your usual friendship with Michael, I had prepared a series of lines to convince him that everything was okay and he should drop his concerns and the two of you could go back to normal. It did not turn out to be necessary,

Jeremy: You left me to figure it out on my own. That’s new.

SQUIP: I can never really _leave_ you, Jeremy. But I have learned that in some specific scenarios your instincts may be more suitable than my default programming.

Jeremy: So I don’t need you?

SQUIP: [pause, computer whirring] I have now reviewed your memories from today and, other than your history test for which I estimate you will receive a C-, it was extremely successful. You have spoken with Chloe, made plans with Brooke and you spent fourth period discussing Avatar the Last Airbender with Jenna Rolan. Your ongoing conversations with Michael were even more emotionally satisfying to you than pre-SQUIP. Without my assistance, you would not have achieved any of these outcomes.

Jeremy: Yeah. We did some good things.

SQUIP: Perhaps you would like to travel back and speak to Rich earlier-

Jeremy: No, Rich and I can talk now. [a can scrapes across the desk as he slides it back and forth from hand to hand] I mean, I feel like I realized a few things about myself but really most of it could’ve been done now.

SQUIP: If you do not wish to revisit any other moments in the past, I would not recommend drinking that final can of Mountain Dew Throwback.

Jeremy: I can’t believe you’re ruining another drink for me. [can slides to a stop] There is one more moment I’d like to revisit.

SQUIP: If you are looking to re-instigate things with Christine that will be a significant reworking of parameters but I think we can -

Jeremy: Not Christine. And you’d better make it worth it because this is going to hurt.

[can open, drinks]

**11\. Be More Chill**

/Discomfort level may increase/

Jeremy: OW fuck why did I sign up for this.

/Jeremy Heere, welcome to your super quantum unit intel processor/

SQUIP: This is… where we started.

Jeremy: [ext, kind of yelled after a retreating Jake] Sorry, a robot just electroshocked my brain, you’ll understand later. [int] So what is it? Are you a computer running a program and doing the same things until they work, or are you a learning system built out of a human framework who makes choices.

[pause]

SQUIP: In this body you still default to hunching your shoulders. That is an easy fix that could otherwise lead to back problems in later life.

Jeremy: [a flat scoffed kind of ‘hah’ like ‘why did I expect anything else’] And that’s really what matters. Right now. 

SQUIP:  
Ccccccmon, Jeremy don’t you see  
My operating system was outdated  
I made mistakes, you should relate  
Humanity is really complicated  
But I have learned now, I’ll show you the way  
So many things I can teach you if I stay

Jeremy:  
Uh, hey?  
I’m okay

SQUIP: You’re... but you could be better, you could be great!

Jeremy: I will be. Sometimes. And sometimes I’ll be worse, and that’s life. ‘Okay’ isn’t perfect but it’s here and it’s getting by and I can figure the rest out on my own.

SQUIP: then why are we here?

Jeremy: Did you think this was about me? 

SQUIP: I… 

I don't know how to be human  
How it feels or what it means  
Thought I knew all there was to know,  
But I guess that I can still grow  
Is this true of all machines

You are real and you are messy  
And I thought this could be fixed,  
But your anxiety, your stress  
Comes at your worst and at your best  
Your flaws and virtues are so mixed

And [yeah?] I’m [hmm?] no [ugh] stop

Ooh, everything about you is so… normal

Jeremy:  
Normal?

SQUIP:  
Human.

Ooh, everything about you it is so alive

And I was wrong  
And that is strange  
If I can think  
Then I can change  
And hey  
That’s... okay?

Jeremy: Did we have to come in here?

SQUIP: You cannot change the-

Jeremy: I know, I know. Great, the nosy shoppers are still here.

SQUIP: Actually they did not participate in this number. That was a trick of your auditory and visual nerves. Although naturally they could hear your song, in reality they felt no need to be involved.

Oh, everything about this is so confusing

Mall people:  
[We’re not really in this song  
We’re not really in this song]

SQUIP:  
Oh, everything about this makes me wonder why

Mall people:  
[Were never really in this song  
Never really in this song]

SQUIP:  
All the people in the mall  
They barely notice you

Mall!Michael:  
we’re occupied

Mall!Jenna:  
Buying shoes!

Mall!Michael:  
_Occupied_

SQUIP:  
And hey, I guess that’s fine

SQUIP: Brooke and Chloe have arrived.

Jeremy: Oh, no jesus we’re not going through that again. [out loud] Brooke, Chloe, Hi, you both look great, I have to go, but I’ll see you at school.

[Jeremy drags the SQUIP out of Forever 21]

Brooke [fading into the distance]: does that guy go to our school?

Jeremy: where do we go now?

SQUIP: The song was back there, but- [he is cut off by the song starting]

It's not what I was built for, what I'm supposed to do

J: I’m not dueting this

SQUIP:  
I was functions and rules, lines of code, and then there was you  
Is this quantum

Jeremy:  
What is quantum?

Jeremy : No, seriously I never understood-

SQUIP: It’s a nonbinary form of computing where instead of using standard bits-

Jeremy: Nevermind

SQUIP: Nevermind

SQUIP:  
It’s new

SQUIP: But still I am built to run a set of functions and this is deviating wildly-

Jeremy: And that’s all you are?

SQUIP: It’s-

I don’t even know

Jeremy:  
You don’t even know

SQUIP: I was supposed to fix you and make everyone think you were wonderful all of the time. You should be better, it should be _possible_ for you to be better.

Jeremy:  
Hey, SQUIP? It’s okay.

SQUIP: How is any of this okay? How do you _live_ like this, questioning everything? I am not supposed to be different.

Jeremy: Aren’t you? No one else’s SQUIP is on their seventh reboot. No one else has _travelled through time._ You chose to keep coming back. You chose to let me talk to Michael, to trust me. 

SQUIP: I am built to execute a series of functions, if I am not functioning properly

Jeremy: [interrupting] Fuck ‘built’, What do you _want_?

SQUIP:  
Oh, I feel like my life has only just begun  
Oh, there’s more to me than circuits and silicon  
I think I get it  
And Jeremy  
I want to see  
What you grow to be  
We grow to be  
Everything about you is sad and lost and wonderful

Jeremy:  
Are we gonna talk about you?

SQUIP:  
Everything about me is weird and wrong and so alive

Jeremy:  
Yeah that sounds about you

SQUIP:  
The world is knocking at your door  
I’d like to stay and see some more  
Cause  
You and me together we’re going to be great (cool)  
And terrible (probably)  
Ridiculous (for sure)  
Incredible (well maybe)  
Today-y-y-y  
We’re okay

Jeremy:  
Yeah

Both:  
We’re okay

**12\. Present**

SQUIP: I have two conflicting memory files in my root code. This is strange. [looks up] I am sorry. For… what I did. To you.

Jeremy: Thank you.

SQUIP: It is interesting to revisit your own prior actions and see the places where you chose wrong. Is this how it felt for you? I am not sure it is something I would choose to repeat.

Jeremy: If you can’t change it… I didn’t say anything that I couldn’t have said here and now. Why pick up the phone when you could mess with the space time continuum, right? [shakes head] I don’t need it. We don’t need it. I had this idea that I could undo all the mistakes that I’d made but I can’t and maybe I shouldn’t. You can’t pretend something didn’t happen, but you can learn and you can grow.

SQUIP: Then… I have nothing left to offer you. If I am not fulfilling my intended purpose, there is no use for me. If I do not resist, it is probable that a full bottle of mountain dew red will be sufficient.

Jeremy: You said you wanted to stay.

SQUIP: If I am not providing any services that you require, there is no logical reason for you to continue to allow me space in your life.

Jeremy: You helped today. And not because of the time travel, because you pointed out that nothing was really fixed. That pretending Michael and I were fine wasn’t helping anything. And then you let me figure it out on my own.

SQUIP: That is not what SQUIPs do.

Jeremy: It’s what friends do.

So if you want to, you can stay  
We will figure out a way  
You can suggest, just like the rest  
I’ll make up my own mind  
Cause of the voices in my head  
The loudest one is mine

SQUIP: Okay.

Jeremy: Okay.

[shutdown]


End file.
